cognitive_gear

I just filled out my FAFSA, and discovered that I am eligible for a Pell Grant that is for MORE THAN DOUBLE what I was for this year.  Uhm, University,. here I come? Maybe. Seeing as that I am attempting to find a second job to get ready for next year, I get the feeling that I won't be eligible for the same amount the following year.

BUT WHATEVER. THIS IS EXCITING YOU GUYS. CHECK OUT MY SWEET ICON FOR REFERENCE.

GET STOKED.





In other news, divine providence has brought cash monies in to keep me from being truly broke. It's just enough to pay those nasty application and transcript fees. Horray!

 I just returned from what was supposed to be my first film production class. I never thought that a single event could alter the way I perceive my own life so dramatically and so quickly. Believe it or not, I'm usually one of the most emotionally stable people you could ever meet. (Or so I've been told.) It's all because so many little things have coalesced into one giant middle finger. 

I feel like a lot of this stems from the choices I've made over the last couple of years, and it's incredibly frustrating. I suppose that even though I feel compelled, (called, even) to create certain things, it could just be the wrong time.  Or maybe I am just trying to go down the wrong path altogether. 

*sigh*

Where do I go from here?


(There was no big event tonight in class, other than that I found out that I will have to drop it due to circumstances beyond my control. It was merely the straw that broke the camel's back. )

I found this website today, which tells you a ton of things that happened on the day you were born. Among the great number of interesting things is what the number one single was on that day. For myself this was:

US: REO Speedwagon's Can't Fight This Feeling

UK: Philip Bailey & Phil Collins' Easy Lover

There are a few coincidences of note here. One, the music video for Can't Fight This feeling opens up on a baby. Two, the song involves a lot of ideas, thoughts, and feelings that I've had over the years. It also has a bit which describes the way in which I have hoped to fall in love for many, many years. (What started out as friendship.....) 

That's fun in and of itself. The UK single is by two guys named Phil, and the video features video production, which is what I aspire to do as a career. Pretty cool coincidences. 

In other news:

Soon, I will be back in class and work. I know that two or three weeks from now I will hate it , but it will be a temporary relief to be doing stuff again. Being busy will be good for me, as I am, once again, the only single person I know. This is always a ton of fun, since I am inevitably the odd numbered wheel. (As if I wasn't socially awkward enough, haha.)

Overall, life is looking up. Currently I am thinking about what direction I really want to be heading in life. I really want to be making movies or TV shows, but I also want to live over on the East Coast. There aren't a ton of options, and I feel that I may have to give up one for the other to work out. I could always work at a local news station, but that wouldn't be what I really want to do. Hurm.

Edit; so as not to spam your pages:

I took a couple of Myers-Briggs personality tests, just for kicks. It seems that there has been some sort of shift, as one told me I am an ENTP, and another INTP. I think the discrepancy comes from how they phrased their questions, as sometimes the tones implied different extremes. Anyways, I think it's interesting that I have broken the internet personality quizzes. Most notably because I was previously such a strong INTJ that this type of thing was inconceivable.

It's been awhile since I updated this, so now I am posting whatever comes to mind, flow of consciousness style. 

I am simply blown away by the responsibility we have been given by God. We are, by His grace, allowed to call ourselves His followers, complete without any stipulations. We can do all manner of things in His name, from blessing and befriending the homeless to killing innocents, and no matter what we do, He is gracious and forgiving. The only deterrent He has placed in our way is our own sense of responsibility and conscience. We are otherwise given free reign to do as we please. What a humbling responsibility this is.

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Politics and religion do not mix well. Honestly, the combination of the two seems completely... what's the word.... useless, perhaps. After all, when we all die, our politics won't be what matters, only the love we showed to others.

This idea has really drastically changed the way that I view politics. I used to be very into them, but as I've been studying Jesus, I've become slowly convinced that it doesn't matter who is in office. What does matter is that you, personally, are loving. Jesus didn't come to show us how to vote, He came to show us how to live. (Oh, and to give us Salvation, if there is any real difference between the two.) 

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A friend of mine whom has drifted away over the last year called me, wanting to reconnect, as he is in need of some Godly friends. I am both humbled and flattered by this, but I'm not sure how well this will go once we start talking theology again. You see, he is a college pastor, and when I last really had a conversation with him, we largely agreed on theological matters. Since then, I have had a very large shift in my theological and philosophical beliefs. I know that he is looking for, what he called, "people with the same base foundation as me." Hopefully love will triumph here, and we will both be uplifted by the challenges we can hopefully offer to our respective views. Iron sharpening iron often involves a lot of opposition. 

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Jumping subjects

Today, I watched (500) Days of Summer for a second time. It may be my favorite movie of last year; in many ways, it seems to have been made for me. It's very much like watching all of my past relationships rolled all up into one, which is then set to music that I actually love. The message of the film is one that I honestly need to hear, so I expect that I will be watching this movie many times over. It joins a slowly growing list of movies that will help you understand Phillip. 

Also, google Chrome says that I just misspelled my name.

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It's time to end this post, as it's already large enough to deter people from reading it.

I almost never do these, but this one is actually something that matters to me. XD

No. I honestly don't think that I could be with someone for the rest of my life if we didn't have a decent-sized overlap in musical tastes. Music is too large a part of my life and well-being to not share with someone I expect to love for the rest of my life. Music oftentimes is my stress relief, inspiration, and more often than not helps to sort out my emotions. It's not just a nice thing to fill the silence, it's something to live with.

Even in my friendships, you can almost gauge how close I am to individuals by examining how similar our music tastes are. I don't know if this is indicative of my tastes being effected by those that I am close to, or if it is a case of seeking out individuals with similar tastes. In either case,  it's obvious that music is integral to my friendships.

After all, there really is something special about rocking out to a common favorite band. 

It's strange. I could complain, a lot, about 2009; the way that the year continually cranked up the heat, or the brutal way that I was beaten repeatedly would have been a good start. The complaining won't start, since I've gained perspective on it all. It is as if I have entered the rapid cooling process of tempering. I have been forged anew. 

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Semi-relatedly, the first day of the year had a re-occurring theme. Have you ever, very suddenly, had many different people all tell you variations of the same thing? Yesterday I had that experience. All of them were variations of, "You seem different." "You've changed a lot since I first knew you." 

If there is anything to blame for this.... Oh so cheesy and overdone. Jesus. Growing up in a fundamentalist, mainstream church, somehow Love was left out of the equation. I may have learned more about Love and Jesus in 2009 than I had in the entirety of my life before that.

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Recently the only things I seem to have been able to enjoy listening to is David Bowie and The Beatles. 

I feel like I was born in the wrong decade. Haha.

From last year:

All I have to say about this year is that it sucked.

In the past I didn't quite see the point of resolutions, but I figure that I'll give it a go this year for kicks.

1. Re-establish my regular workout routine.
2. Be myself.
3. Work to ensure that 2009 is better than 2008.

That's it. Have a happy New Year.


So... my goals are the same. Update accordingly. The only one of those resolutions I seem to have managed was number 2. Which is probably the most important one. This year I will add:

4. By the end of the year, I will not be the only single person I see on a regular basis. (either get some more friends, or get a girlfriend.)
5. Write. Tell stories. Film. 
6. Learn to better love people.
7. Convert, fully, to fair trade products.

Alright, 2010, bring it on. "It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness, that is life."

I find it a little bit ironic that so many people who will say that there's a "war on Christmas"/ "don't bother celebrating Christmas if you don't want to hear about Jesus" love A Christmas Carol in it's various incarnations. Not only does it not contain a single reference to Jesus, but it more or less invented/revitalized secular Christmas, bringing the spotlight back onto the then suppressed pre-Christian customs.

Actually, I'm surprised that there hasn't been backlash against the story. I've heard and seen so many people that protest the slow decline of manger scenes at Christmastime, and the "secularization" of it, but never once have I heard anyone attack A Christmas Carol. Perhaps it so perfectly captures the true human meaning of the holiday that no one stops to question it anymore?

Since this decade is quickly coming to an end, I am going to attempt to make weekly posts of my personal top ten of some given thing. It should be noted that these lists are restricted to things I personally have experienced or remember.

( Anyways, this week I present to you: Phillip's top ten comics of the 00's. )

Two side notes:
1) I will update this entry later with images to go with the list.
2) My laptop has been out for repairs since "black Friday". I should get it back tomorrow, with any luck.

^_^


It's raining.

I promise I'll post a real entry soon.

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